Posted by: mydarkestplaces | March 9, 2018

Out of nowhere

So. I know I’ve touched upon my alcoholism here and myriad other locations in my blogosphere. Truthfully? It was no where near so close as it was last night.

A tech meltdown at work, interpersonal factors, external factors…all these conspired to want me to drink myself stupid and shut my brain down for as long as possible. It was mainly the weather helping me avoid grocery stores and places selling bourbon, but I still struggled getting home because, hey, the grocery store was right there. But I got home. I went to bed without raiding the liquor cabinet.

In talking with my sponsor today about last night she asked me, “How did you not? Who did you contact?”

It occurred to me that while I didn’t contact any other members of AA there may be other mental and substance abuse health resources that would have been of help with the battles that appear when one fights oneself.

At this exact moment I’m practicing gratitude that I got through last night without succombing to the sirens’ calls, but trust I’m going to keep that resource line close to hand. There are times I don’t want to talk to people I know about what’s in my head. That becomes a little…spotlight-y for me. But if I know there’s a line I can call after I get out of work at 3am chances are good that I’ll do so. It’s how I learned about the Suicide Text line (741-741) and the National Suicide Hotline (1-800-273-8255).

When you are willing to look for help there’s help available. The act of actually seeking it out is the hardest, but it’s something that’s possible. There are people there to help you get where you’re going.


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