Posted by: mydarkestplaces | June 30, 2012

Halfway Point

Well.

Here I am.

I’m managing to get through the year. I do feel like I’ll get through to the end. These are both feelings that I didn’t have even two months ago.

There’s no way I would have gotten this far without some very key people. So. Thank you.

My greatest indicator that perhaps things aren’t be as horrible as I’ve felt they are, or won’t be as horrible as I felt they will be, is that I’ve actually cracked open my writing again. Not in any significant way – I haven’t added fifty pages, five thousand words or even figured out how the story is going to end – but I had to save my WIP (“work in progress”) the other day. That was the first time in four months.

I’ve felt like a tight rope walker in the middle of the journey for the past six months. I would be weebling, wobbling, not quite falling, but concentrated solely on the act of getting to the other side. Today, I don’t feel like I’m necessarily off the rope, but I’m a heck of a lot closer to the anchor. The part that’s more stable.

I’ve been working my way through an anthology of Arabic literature (Tablet&Pen edited by Raza Aslan). One of the excerpts I read (from “Once Upon a Time” by Sadegh Hedayat) had this to say:

“[Upon realizing his dream woman is dead] At such times as this every man takes refuge in some firmly established habit, in his own particular passion. The drunkard stupefies himself with drink, the writer writes, the sculptor attacks the stone. Each relieves his mind of the burden by recourse to his own stimulant and it is at such times as this that the real artist is capable of producing a masterpiece.”

I feel my time is coming. Maybe I’ll be able to turn the anguish, hurt, and fear that I’ve felt this year into something incredible. At the very least, I’m finding it promising that I want to try.

Here’s to 2012. The year I still want to end sooner rather than later, but a year I feel hasn’t beaten me quite yet.*

 

*A good deal of avoidance is helping me make that claim. If I stop to think about it, 2012 has really kicked my ass. I’m just not as willing to concede defeat yet.


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