Posted by: mydarkestplaces | March 28, 2009

Two roads diverged in a wood…

Today was the first day that I admitted out loud to anybody that I’m doubting my ascension at L.L. Bean. It’s also the first time that I have thought about it, and not been heartbroken about it. For the past two and a half years I have been all L.L. Bean, all the time. Even when applying for other jobs or working at other jobs, it’s always been with an eye towards “how can this position make me a better candidate for L.L. Bean.” Over the past two weeks, I have slowly come to realize that thinking in those terms is getting me nowhere. Although I see these positions as building my resume, they are evidently not doing much in the eyes of the people doing the hiring (at least within my department). I have been told by multiple leaders that getting a job in our store is one of the most difficult things to do because the people who work there are among the most over-qualified workers you’re going to find anywhere. ((It’s true, former White House advisors, Wall Street bankers, former business executives have  all  been found on our payroll)) While accurate, I’ve always held out hope that my enthusiasm and potential would eventually win the day. I think that today is the day that I have consciously thrown in the towel. I concede defeat. I’m not giving up on my dream of being a leader at L.L. Bean, whether in the store or elsewhere, but I’m giving up on my dream of it right now. I have the potential to be a valued contributor at Job #3 (soon to surpass all and become Job #1). I would be a fool to not acknowledge and embrace the opportunity and challenge of such a role. Whether I decide to grow and develop into a leader at Job #3/1, and decide to pursue position(s) there, or if I grow into a leader there and decide to return my focus to L.L. Bean, giving my all at Job #3/1 is where my focus should be. 

It feels weird to admit to the world that I’ve put my dreams on hold. But maybe, as cliche as it sounds, putting the old dream on hold will allow a new one to take its place. I know I’ve made the right decision, and I’m going to end up being where I need to be, and I’m going to end up liking where I am. It’s just going to take some time for my brain to communicate that to my heart.


  1. I remember when I left Disney, I felt the same way. But I watched many people I knew be forced to leave there in order to advance there. I know how much you love job #1 and I hope that in the future life will bring you back to what you love. For now, pour all your amazingness into Job #3 and knock their socks off! Hugs. Syd

  2. Great post. Stick it out. I am glad I did and it was worth it.

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