Posted by: mydarkestplaces | November 18, 2010

Life as I know it…

For the past two weeks I have been more focused on a project than I think I have ever been before. At the very least for a really, really, really long time.

This is not a bad thing. My only…hang up. Is that I feel like there has been a shift of massive proportions in my life. I love retail. I could see myself being involved at some level in retail for a long time. But this is what I’ve discovered over the past couple weeks: I love writing. Not only do I love it, but I’m passably good at it. The more books I read, the more convinced I am that I could actually get published and actually have at least some moderate commercial success.

This thought is almost more unnerving than the possibility of working in Retail for the next forty years.

I don’t know how, but despite the love and support of my entire family, my friends, and a select few educators in my life, I have become all too conditioned to expecting failure. I don’t apply for jobs because I’ll never get them, I don’t do this because that may happen, etc. I never expect to succeed, so therefore I never try.

But now that I’ve discovered my passion for writing, and have a deep seeded belief that I can actually *do* this, I’m scared absolutely witless. Why is it that the fear of success is scarier than the fear of failure. Why is my generation so conditioned to expect failure that when that happens we’re not shocked, but when we earn success we doubt its legitimacy?

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