Posted by: mydarkestplaces | March 13, 2011

Crisis of Conscience, Crisis of Faith

Of late I’ve found myself having a crisis of conscience.

I mean, maybe that’s a bit strong for what’s been going through my mind and heart. You can be the judge if I ever get around to finishing this post.

I went to church the other night. It was Ash Wednesday, I was invited, and I had some moral support to attend with me. Plus, I happen to really like the pastor. But all that is secondary to the message that I walked away with.

Without the church bulletin in front of me I can’t remember the passages that were read, the words that were said or the songs that were sung. The overarching message stuck with me though (at least the message that I walked out with). The start of the Lenten season is tough. It’s kicked off talking of the Apocalypse, you go into it knowing that Jesus is going to be betrayed by a friend and murdered. It’s March so it’s that miserable gray, cold, muddy, BLAHest of the Blah months. What the heck is there to look forward to? How do we maintain hope and faith when there doesn’t seem to be anything worth hoping for or having faith in?

This has seemed especially true this week.

With the Middle East in a political meltdown and Japan in close to a nuclear one. Politicians making ignorant statements (but it’s okay because they’re old and have earned the right). DOMESTIC communities alleging it’s the fault of an 11-year old for being gang raped. I would be lying if I said I didn’t spend much of Friday morning crying. When your own life doesn’t seem to let up, and then the world throws these major world events in your face, it seems impossible to wear a smile.

I found myself flabbergasted by the words I was reading. Friday was a textbook example of the dark days that were talked about at the service Wednesday. When there are children being hurt, countries being physically moved, and countries imploding, where is the light at the end of the tunnel?

Unfortunately, I don’t have an answer to that question. But I suppose the point of faith is that you don’t have to have the answer. You just have to trust that the answer is going to come eventually. And maybe it’s not the answer you were looking for at the beginning, but it’s the answer that is necessary and the answer that fits. Hopefully that answer comes soon.


  1. Exactly. Live the question. It hurts but it’s the only way through…

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