Posted by: mydarkestplaces | June 22, 2009

A Litany of Advice for Future Shoppers

I hadn’t realized how long it had been since I had written a new post. Sorry for those of you who actually read what I write!!

A couple retail related notes/tips for those of you who shop out there.

1. When your cashier asks you how you are? Chances are good the cashier doesn’t actually care, so please do not take the opportunity to expound on kidney cleanses, your dog’s mange, or your latest trip to the OB/GYN. Guess what. We don’t care.

2. If you have to count to see if you are under the 10-item limit for an express line, keep on walking because chances are good you aren’t.

3. If you are using cash, please wait for, and HAND IT, to the cashier. No shoving, gesticulating, waving or throwing of the money should have to be tolerated.

4. We get it, every card swiper-reader-station-thinger is different. Get over it.

5a. ((WF specific)) We’re all pretty intelligent people. I promise we won’t put your Rice Dream Ice Cream in with the hot Rotisserie chicken. We get that hot > cold.

5b. I also promise that we won’t put the eggs, bread or grapes on the bottom of the bag. We get that gallon of orange juice > loaf of bread.

5c. 5a/5b are null and void if the bagger/cashier is under the age of 20.

6. ((Again, WF specific)) Yes, it’s expensive and yes it adds up fast. You found that out the last twenty times you came in here, and you knew it was still going to be true today. Get over it or go somewhere else.

7. Just because it says organic doesn’t automatically make it healthy for you. It may be made of the most natural ingredients in the world, but a Newman’s Double Stuff Oreo is still a Double Stuff Oreo (see also: pizza, ice cream, candy, and chips).

8. There are questions we have to ask. Whether it’s if you want to sign up for the credit card, phone number, license, whatever, we have to ask it. It’s part of our job description. Our bosses get pissy if we don’t. As such, have a little patience when subjected to the litany of benefits the loyalty card can get you. Also, don’t act shocked when the subject comes up in the first place. Welcome to the 21st Century economy…

9. Damnit, we’re people too. This is our job. We may not be a marketing director, outside sales rep, or CEO of a major corporation, but this is what we’re getting paid to do. Envision us coming to your office and asking you to throw away our trash, throwing our payment at you in return for your services, or leaving our unwanted junk all over your cubicle. Not pleasant, is it?

It’s been a long couple weeks for me. All sorts of ups and downs and all arounds. I apologize if my rant has upset any one, but these are all the things I think over the course of the day that I can’t actually say at work. Thank you for allowing me a venue to vent :)


  1. I am constantly amazed at how many people think they are super healthy because they buy “organic.” Exactly as you pointed out, a Double Stuff Oreo is a Double Stuff Oreo is a Double Stuff Oreo no matter how to make the creamy filling. I do, however, love me a Newman’s Own over an Oreo oreo…transfats are just nasty little gross-ies that most definitely do not occur in nature.

    As for the trash, you’d be surprised how many people come into a a management office and ask you to throw away their trash. Like, REALLY surprised.

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